I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
