Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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