You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
