I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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