I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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