I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
