i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
