Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
