PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
