When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
