there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
