my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
