So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
