i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize