my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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