I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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