Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
