she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
