I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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