i dedicated my morning wood to you.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
