You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
