did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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