my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
