this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I puked a lego.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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