man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
