Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize