I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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