Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
