Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
