I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
