how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
