Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
