Can i not drive my cunt home
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
