Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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