Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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