I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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