I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
