It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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