In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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