He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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