Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
