so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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