...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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