I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
