First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
