someone owes me an orgasm
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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