I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize