I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
