whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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