Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize