i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
