my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
