Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
