Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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