last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
When are your genitals available?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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