the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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