I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
