Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
