I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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