best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
