I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
