I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
