I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
