Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
