At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
