I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
