This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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