So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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