Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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