I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
