well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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