I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
