fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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