I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
