now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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